Is empathy just not enough?

When I went to the International Drug Policy Reform Conference a couple of weeks ago (I swear I'll write on it soon, hopefully this weekend!), I had to choose between two different sessions I wanted to go to that were at the same time. Actually, that happened quite a bit, but this particular one was quite a dilemma. I forget the one I went to, but I had also wanted to go to one dealing with racial profiling concerning drug policy. One of my roommates went and told me she would tell me later what went on.

Later, she, along with someone else I met, told me that it was not very enjoyable. Supposedly what had happened was that there were some people of color on the panel and a white guy with a Ph.D in some kind of social science or something, and they spent a majority of the time arguing, which made it comfortable. Forgive me, I'm not exactly sure of the details. They were telling him that he cannot say he knows what goes on because he has not personally experienced it. My roommate felt bad for him because she felt that he was aware since he studied it.

I am taking a class called "Native Peoples in North America." It is pretty much a group comprised of people of whiteness who care for how Native Americans are treated in the US, Canada, etc. Applying what had been said at that certain session, should non-Natives be allowed to dictate what happens on reservations? If the answer is no, why is that? Is it because we don't know what actually goes on since we are not Indians? How about if we've studied anthropology or Native American studies, does it still apply?

As I have told people before, I feel like I don't exist in this dimension when it comes to race - I am kind of just floating in my own dimension. I am mainly half-German and half-Filipino. When people of a certain race or ethnicity complain about something ("I feel discriminated against because..."), I cannot relate to it at all. The whole thing is very superficial to me. Of course, I cannot dismiss what these people say because I have not experienced it for myself.

People get very on edge when talking about race, and for some people, like me, it is not very applicable to their lives, so I will use another example...

I get very bad periods. One time at my summer job, I lost, and was losing, so much blood that my words were slurring, my eyes were getting blurry, I was getting a huge headache, cramps of course, I could barely walk, etc. That was the worst it had ever gotten. Normally, my cramps can get so bad that I cannot get up, and sometimes I even cry from the pain. When I tell guys, they say, "I understand." I reply, half-jokingly, "How can you?" Usually it is because they have sisters who get it pretty badly too.

Of course men will never know how I truly feel because they do not get menstrual cramps because they do not menstruate. However, they can still sympathize with how I feel, maybe because they can see how much pain I am in.

Okay, so we know that man cannot menstruate, but can a woman completely sympathize and know how I feel in that moment of crampy pain? Does she have cramps as badly as I do? Is she having them right now?

I suffered from depression. I am not afraid to admit it, and I still have to deal with bouts. In a way, I am glad to be meeting so many people at college who have had similar experiences to mine too. It's good to know that I am not alone. However, when I meet someone who is currently battling depression, I am not quite sure how to deal with it. I hated it when people told me that they knew what I was going through. It's like with a breakup - sure, maybe they had an experience similar to mine, but they are not currently going through with the heart-wrenching process of losing someone they love. What I usually do is ask if they want me to help in any way, and tell them that I, too, was depressed at one point, so they don't have to feel that they are in this by themselves.

In these instances of getting sympathy from others, people who have studied these things have helped me out in some way to deal with the symptoms. For example, even though my dad is a male, he studied health and knew how to help me deal with my cramps, etc. While it was mainly mental willpower that aided me in overcoming my depression, I will admit that psychiatrists helped a teensy bit.

No one knows how exactly another person feels. We all grew up differently and have had different life experiences. Empathy for others have led some people to seek out to help those in need and/or study in school on how to do so. Should other people tell us how to do something a certain way? Maybe not that extreme, but should they even have a say? How about if they "studied" this certain something?

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