Whether or not I choose to wear shirts that "show off my boobs", I attract boys

A couple months ago in a Facebook discussion group, I came across someone who reposted this "Ten Things I Want to Tell Teenage Girls" to see what people thought about it. Right from Thing #1, I cringed. While it did contain some good advice, I mostly cringed throughout. The others who commented with their critiques did a pretty good job at voicing my own thoughts. While nobody had covered it quite to my liking, I just never responded, in part that my response would be too long, causing my patience to wear thin. Secondly, at the time, I didn't think I could quite articulate how I felt, especially with the first item.

"If you choose to wear shirts that show off you boobs, you will attract boys. To be more specific, you will attract the kinds of boys that like to look down girls' shirts. If you want to date a guy who likes to look at other girls' boobs and chase skirts, then great job; keep it up. If you don't want to date a guy who ogles at the breasts of other women, then maybe you should stop offering your own breasts up for the ogling. All attention is not equal. You think you want attention, but you don't. You want respect. All attention is not equal."

My feelings about it have been boiling up inside me ever since, and in the past few days, it's gotten worse. Now, I have no choice but to finally release the monster that has been tearing away at my insides ever since I first read this.

There are many problems I find with what the author, Kate Connor, says. One of these problems is that, frankly, I find this insulting towards men. Will men ogle at women's body parts, especially during puberty? Very likely. It doesn't mean that they're damned to based on their age or gender. What  if a boy decides to date a girl who does show her cleavage? Does that mean that is the reason for why they're together? I'm listening... (Also, assuming they're not being creepy about it and not doing it obviously so in public, is appreciating others' bodies such a bad thing?)

What if a woman wants to show off her body? I do it sometimes. I think most women do it more than they think. Did you ever opt for a smaller sweater when shopping because the one you originally tried on was a a little loose around your body? Well, there you go. When I notice that women devote lots of time showing their bodies (endless selfies on Facebook, for example), I'm more worried that she may be relying on what others think of her physical appearance to make up for a lack of self-esteem. Even then, I may be assuming too much. Overall, it's her choice. Maybe the point of this first item was to remind teenage girls that physical appearance isn't everything, but she could have worded it way better, and left a bunch of stuff out.

Guess what? Currently, I'm a 34 DD. My size has been like that for years. The size of my breasts is something that I have had to learn to live with. In eighth grade, I thought I was big for being a 34 C, and was really set on getting a breast reduction when I got older. No matter where I go, no matter who I am with, no matter how I am feeling, no matter what I am wearing, people notice my breasts. It's embarrassingly awkward to be where I thought was a more professional setting and wearing a dress that shows no cleavage, then have an older man remark on the size of my breasts. Even if I wear a top that goes up to my collarbone, if I bend over, it is more than likely that some cleavage will show. If I try to wear a baggy shirt, my breasts are still noticeable...and people may snub me for not looking refined or professional enough or whatever.

Look, cleavage! Boobs. Boobs. Boobs.

The point is that I never asked for my breasts to be this size. I never agreed to have breasts. They were just something I had to deal with - an inevitable in my life. When they first started growing, I was filled with wonder, but that wonder quickly grew into irritation. No matter what I do with them, people are going to notice. If I get a breast reduction, people are going to ask why and tell me that I should have been grateful to have some of that size. I am fine with them now, and have no (noticeable) back pain from them, so I have no plans to alter them. My experiences with my breasts, good and bad, have helped shape who I am. They are my breasts, so it is my right to do what the hell I want with them.

Aside from breasts, there are a lot of other body parts and qualities men enjoy about women. If men aren't vocal about their opinions about my breasts, they talk about my hair, ass, face, eyes, lips, etc. So should I, in the spirit of Kurt Vonnegut, place ugly masks wherever I am considered physically attractive? Then of course are my other qualities. People have called me smart, funny, and nice. (Sounds very exciting.) Right now, I have a shaved head and have been walking around campus with no makeup and in what I can only describe as unfashionable, frumpy clothing. Yet, men still manage to croon about my "beauty" and my "unforgettable air of confidence". It seems that no matter what I do, quite a few men still manage to find me attractive. And don't think that finding me confident means that he wants pursue something serious - at least from the hints I've gotten, they must think I'm quite astonishing in bed.

My advice to teenage girls: Wearing shirts that show off your boobs may attract boys, but so will just being a girl in general, even if you try to hide your boobs.

Yes, my boobs are quite the hot topic on my blog.

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